didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
