ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
