He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize