I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
