Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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