so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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