My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
