why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
