You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
