I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think i got beer on your cat.
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