i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
