So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There's always time for handjobs
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
