After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
