: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
