did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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