Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
