I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
