3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize