Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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