I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
