I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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