sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
