Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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