i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
