I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
