My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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