I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
