She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
