Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
