this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
