watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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