Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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