Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
