i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
pray to the hookup gods
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
