just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
