So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
