Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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