girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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