I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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