If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
