Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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