ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
