We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
