the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
