Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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