We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
