what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
