hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
