you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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