a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
