i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
