I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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