my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
