We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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