drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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