so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
