please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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