No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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