I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
