worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
