I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize