some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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