ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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